Sunday, March 05, 2006

lots of thinking today

This is going to be me venting.

There's a band that I've known and semi-worked with for about 3.5 years. Though it doesn't seem like a long time, I've been there through different member changes, instrument lineup, sound evolvement, nearly every other sort of drama that has occurred. It was by chance that I met them through music industry activities that I was involved in - we just both happened to be at the same place at the same time. We've been through many states together and have enjoyed many random late night conversations. My relationship with these guys went from a "working" relationship to more of a friendship - which I loved. My friends and I would go to their shows because they needed our support and it was just great hanging out. It was more like just seeing our friends and getting music in between conversations. Many many many great adventures and stories to go along. Because of my various endeavors in the music industry, they came to me for advice, and I always tried to work hard to give them opportunities and to introduce them to many different people.

I can't pinpoint how and when, but everything has changed. A few of the members of the band were people I would talk to weekly, finding them on my call log multiple times within days and for long periods of time. Now it's just few word emails talking about am upcoming show or event. I don't mean this to come across as me being needy - it's something different that I just can't explain.

Maybe it's me just losing passion. I'm so very tired of hearing complaints or what they hope to achieve but don't see them being proactive about it. There is only so many months...years, you can take of it. It's especially tiring when you try everything you can to help them and get ideas in their head and it takes very long, if ever, for those actions to actually take place. Sorry for the vagueness, but that is all I can give. Maybe it's me wanting more for them than they actually want - because I have no other way to explain the stagnantness of it all. Perhaps its the music manager in me that has been trying to fuel a fire and just getting tired of minimal results.

So I am trying to justify this breach and I cannot. I admit, I haven't been as adamant as I have in the past about supporting and seeing them, because over the past few months - they have been replaced in my mind. They have been replaced by friends and by bands who I can be actively involved with - everything that used to be. It's just strange - we're all busy, that's what makes us interesting. But there are artists that I have less personal ties with whom I correspond with twenty times more than all of the band combined, and those artists are a heck of a lot busier. It's hard to work with anyone when there is a lack of communication and desire.

For a while, I was the closest person they had for consulting. At work work, we talk with our artists hours each day - either on the phone, email, or just long meetings knocking out ideas and being constructive about future careers. For the past year every time I was in their area (which is a lot), I offered up my "vacation time" to meet and bounce off ideas and plan and create - not once did it happen. Kinda makes me wonder what we may get from them if we actually end up working together professionally and formally.

The other day, I was unable to make their show at one of the venues I usually see them perform. I woke up in the middle of the night and it bothered me that I was more upset to not be seeing my usual venue friends and roadtripping than I was about seeing the band. It could have been anyone playing - I was more giddy and excited for the experience, not the music. Maybe it's just me being hurt and trying not to face it. I'm still pushing for them and their opportunities (as we may work with them professionally) - but that is merely for the sake of the music biz.

"You guys, you're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem" - almost famous


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